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Victim or Survivor in the Parenting World, Which are You?

Lance Armstrong, who recently came back from cancer to win back to back Tour De France’s, said, “I am not a victim, I am a survivor.” He won the battle by taking that attitude.

God has put in front of us, and we have made choices that have caused, many different levels of challenges in our lives. If we take the role of victim, we are always allowing ourselves an out, giving ourselves a pre-fashioned excuse for everything. We can never grow as a person when we take this role. We are allowing ourselves, not to take responsibility for our actions. We blame it on our shortcoming.

When taking the survivor role, we don’t allow ourselves any crutches, NO EXCUSES. We have our focus only on the end result and making sure we come out on the other side, better, stronger, and more knowledgeable. Don’t make excuses, make a difference. We can succeed or make excuses why we didn’t succeed, I’d rather succeed.

I have a small picture on my entertainment center that says, “Challenges are those mountains God means for us to climb! With our focus on God we can climb those mountains and put those challenges behind us and look out from the summit of the mountain, with those closest to us, by our side, and realize we climbed that mountain together. We didn’t leave anybody behind.

Of all the 14ers (14,000 foot peaks) I’ve hiked, I’ve never done one by myself, nor do I intend to. It’s always more fun with other people, to encourage them, and allow them to encourage you. To meet head-on, the challenge together.

Before we start the hike, everyone seems to bring some knowledge of the hike to the table. But someone always knows more than the others, because they found a better trip report, had time to do more research, or they have actually done the hike before. We need to take advantage of the people that have hiked the mountain before. Allow them to throw us the rope. They have seen the terrain, so they know a path that works. This is not an, “I’m better than you situation”, or they would have never thrown the rope down in the first place. They want to help get you up even with them, so they can encourage you, and you can encourage them.

Over the last five years or so I’ve read a lot of books on hiking and specific trails, but before I go, I always try and talk with someone who has actually done the hike. It gives me a better knowledge, which also brings more confidence and more security.

Also over the last five years and mostly over the last three years my number one priority has become, raising my son up in the training of the Lord, so that, he will one day accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and never turn from that.

My knowledge has come from the many Christian books I’ve read. Knowledge is one thing, action is another. My parenting is definitely, work in progress, but it is the most important job I have. Am I perfect? No. Will I be perfect? No, but I will always continue learning, striving, and working at being the best parent I can be.

One of my favorite Bible verses, is Deuteronomy 6:5-7, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

I try to do this every chance I get. But more importantly than talk, I know I have to live it and do it, or the talk means nothing. If you are not doing what you are saying, your kids and others will see right through you.

I often catch myself, saying one thing and getting ready to do another and realize what kind of example that would set. Our children, watch, see, and learn from every move we make and we need to be very aware of that. Nothing gets by them, even actions that we think are rather insignificant, our children are noticing and learning valuable lessons. Let’s make them positive lessons.

We have not always lived structured, disciplined lives but I feel we all have to get there someday. If we are not structured and disciplined, how can we expect that of our children. How can we expect them to excel in school, in a structured and disciplined environment. How can we expect them to be structured and disciplined in today’s very unstable society.

Don’t be afraid to be structured and disciplined. You will not be losing any of your freedom, you will actually be gaining more. As the old saying goes, “With freedom comes responsibility.” To be responsible, I feel you need to have discipline.

Seek out others, books, tapes, movies, who are, and have been in your shoes and learn from them. In the last week, I’ve listened to a Christian Parenting tape series, to and from work. I can’t tell you how in tune with parenting and how in tune with God it has brought me. I’ve learned that when I’m teaching and acting out my life, in a Christian manner, I’m not only helping my son, but I’m also helping myself come closer to God.

Talking to people, listening to tapes, reading books and most importantly reading the Bible daily (something I need to do more of) gives you the confidence you need when faced with such an important and difficult task as a parent.

We need to eliminate the things in our lives that are getting in the way, of our most important job of raising God fearing, God loving, Christian children.

Don’t allow Satan to rob that time from you and your kids, make a change from the mistakes your parents made, learn from the things they did right and don’t find yourself hearing the song, “The Cat’s in the Cradle” and feeling like you missed out on your child’s life while living under the same roof, and worse, passing that behavior on to your child.

I think instead of saying, “Kids these days” we should be saying, “Parents these days.”

We need to make sure we are doing our job, and chances are, God will fill in the gaps.

Make the change, break the vicious cycle, don’t be a victim, be a survivor. Don’t make excuses, make a difference. Take this difficult task to heart and make the world today and tomorrow a better place for everyone.

Dale Klein

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